The day I proposed her was the same day I started to worry about losing her. It's been a while that my phobias are increasing in number and strength. I chose to be an Introvert to escape from the pain of losing a relation. I avoided friends,family and all of them who knew me. It helped a bit though I have to seriously suffer loneliness and get depressed often.
I don't know why, but may be my curious anxious science intellect is basically calculating the possible outcomes that could be formed using my known variables. We could break up, we would not never marry, we would love in together, we would sometimes elope and marry, sometimes with everyone's consent, sometimes one of them start to lose Interest in other, sometimes we get marry and reach the verge of a divorce, sometimes we won't have happiness together and worst one us may die before or after marriage or we will marry someone else and go diverged and so on.
In every occasion I really calculated the probable outcomes. Like how will it affect me, my future,my mindset, my ideologies, my career, my intellect, my peace. It's obvious that I can't imagine how these might turn for her. I literally want to write this as a document and categorize it to let see how the future is coming. Just a curiousity driven insane experiment.
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