It's been a while. Being so open to someone and letting them inside. However they try to go,atleast their scent will remain with me.
Today when I discussed about some future stuffs, specifically about marriage, we went into ideological clashes. She wanted a normal marriage, not systematic or ritualistic, but with friends and family being happy. But I don't. Ofcourse I mean no disrespect to any of my friends and relatives, but I feel it worse to make my marriage a public event. I just want my private life to be private and more intimate.
Following that, we went into some detailed discussion about the religious and caste issues that will play their role. She is really worried about the caste issues that's gonna haunt her,especially from my parents. It might be a negative thought,but I feel that she is very much worried. And religion, it's had no limits. I feel it's more safer for her consider my life in an Islamic community. I has a lot to lose,a lot to sacrifice. But, I don't know why but she means so much to me now. I fear that I will loose this emotion at any time. I don't want to be the victim of a normal 'time heals everything' life and get seperated.
I haven't been thinking about anyone like this. It's mostly 24x7 now. When she isn't talking or messaging, I feel down and tensed. When she didn't reply,I feel worried and my heart beat gets faster. Why I am being so silly and childish? It's immature and no realistic to be so emotional and depressed. I can't help myself.
Meanwhile, as we are officially in a relation, our conversation has been turned a bit formal. I feel that formality is being increased in time.
Wouldn't we able to be together?
Time will tell, when nothing matters much. The desperate moments of a 24year old guy. ;-)
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