It's been a wonder to me why people, especially in India consider 9 to be that auspicious in their superstitions. Well ofcourse I had a recent experience where I could have succumbed into the network of superstitial chain reaction and end destructively.
I don't remember exactly when it is,but it's approximately four years before my girl proposed to me. I haven't taken the possibility of a relationship seriously till recently. It was on the 9th of June,I finally proposed her back. Yeah, slap me - it took four fucking years for me to realise what's important. I won't ever forget that day. Since that it has been going very well. We have been so addicted to each other that we can't be seperated for a moment. Like having an adrenaline rush,we stood for each other,sharing our most silly worries to most happy moments to the far future dreams.
Due my very late approach, she was amazed and wondered, got her heart beat high and welcomed me like her biggest dream of her life. However she was having an affair before with some guy,which was in the verge to collapse. Fortunately before that I came and ended all her problems and took her with me. She haven't been officially broke up with that guy,her exbf, who later tried to stich back their broken relation. The fact is that even though she loved him for a while, her heart pounded for me,wanted for me. My sudden entry made her to cast out everything including that person. Now whenever he tries to repatch their relation she is too tensed not to dump him as well as hurt his feelings. She can't just tell him about us as she isn't sure if his later actions which could spoil her life and family. She is worried about his curse and his mothers' with whom she have met once. She is too worried and feels like she is cheating him. I don't know how to let her realise that it is not. She is so kind,forgiving and tolerating that others always exploit her and her feelings. She is so naive that she fell for others' drama everytime. She isn't that weak but too naive to stand even for herself.
Then came my birthday. The 9th of July. For me it's my anniversary of two births. My annual anniversary of my biological birth and monthly anniversary of my commitment to her. She wished me on the midnight,which I have mentioned about in the previous post,however fell into the pit of badluck the very same day.
She has been trying to get into the B.Ed course under Calicut University to become a teacher,he dream carreer. I supported her. But nothing wasn't so easy for her. Her home seems to be a hell for her sometimes. The father who seems to love her only for his certain needs, provides her stuffs only because she is young and ofcourse his daughter, treats her like a scum, inefficient,unworthy and inabled. She is tolerating all that because of her biological relationship with him as a father and daughter. Though her mother is supportive , sometimes she broke down and talk something very stupid that hurt my girl too much. But her so good character tolerates that. Then comes her elder sister and her husband who literally tries to dominate my girl and force my girl to choose paths choiceless in the name of badluck they had and others had,with the essence of pessimism surrounding. My girl, poor thing, she is fed up,been desperate, wanting me to be with her, want to live with me, trying to go for her dream career, wishing to get a job for having a voice in her own...it's bad.
She got alotment at a college very far away from home,very rural and far away from the nearest town. She was hoping to at the RIE but that went down as her Masters' results isn't yet announced; she also didn't got enrolled into the college's she was hoping for,instead into a College far away from home,without adequate hostel facilities and ofcourse lack of proper food supplies. She wanted stay somewhere far to avoid the ridiculous family of her's who doesn't care about her wishes and likes and dreams,rather they want to use her,exploit her, make their wishes come through her, marry her to some junkie and destroy her life entirely. I don't seem to be surprised because this society have only done that,religion and caste are the inflammable additive to these, creating life losers and broken people. But I can't let that happen to my girl. She is now fed up with all these situations and is javing highly self destructive thoughts. She is planning to drop all her dream career and go for the NET coaching somewhere and try for B.Ed next year. I don't know how her family will stand to their promise. They even made her feel like,it happening so and so because she hurt her exbf's feeling and dump him. I don't know how to make her realise that she is just cursing herself to get rid of everything, like everyone else is doing. Everyone wants some culprit and her family have selected her as the victim. And at these times she herself pinpoint herself to be that culprit and succumb to the deepest of this ocean of suffering. But I can't let that happen,I cannot let her drown into the deepest trench of this ocean. I want to save her, make her happy and be cheerful. I want to do something.
Fuck the god.
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